Waiting on the road to Damascus

My favorite speech at the April general conference was Waiting on the road to Damascus. Sunday May 22 I received my copy of the 181st general conference edition of the Ensign. On Monday morning I was talking to my best friend Becky on the phone and decided to share the speech with her as she missed it during the conference. I unfortunately did not take my sinus medicine before starting. As I coughed and sniffled my way through the speech, which was not easy, I never once thought of stopping.

I got up and grabbed something to drink and kept reading. I wanted to share a message that spoke so clearly to me. Something was trying to stop me, make me give up and just let her go to the web page and ether listen to the speech or read it herself. I wanted her to know how much it meant to me.

I know some people get stuck waiting on that road. Even for small moments in time. We sit and wait at the sad times, the lonely times asking God to give us a sign that he is really there when he is there and giving us the extra boost that we are too busy to understand.

“The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle- one piece at a time.” President Uchtdorf

This speech spoke to me because sometimes I find myself looking for the whole picture when I am missing some of the pieces and felling like I have lost those pieces forever. I find myself waiting for God to help when I should know that without His help I would never have had the strength to get as far down the road without Him. While reading the speech to Becky I realized that thorough all the hard times in the past couple of years I was on my own road to Damascus. I was waiting for God to tell me what I needed to do without listening for the answer.

I know that God loves me. I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. Some days I wonder why. I don’t feel like I am good enough. Then I remember the love I feel from my heavenly Father when I do stop to notice, and I no longer wonder.

 I know I am stronger because of the love that both God, and Jesus, have for me. I know that I am still on the road to Damascus but I know that God is with me and I am moving forward, I am no longer waiting for God’s love I know I have it with me. If you are waiting on your road to Damascus then I hope you will pray and find the love God has for you and, that you will listen to that still quite voice that will lead you if you take the time.

Becky did a post about this also you fan find it here

CHOICE

No one ever said that life would be easy. I have had to make a lot of very hard decisions lately. I have felt the doubts that I did the right thing. Praying has helped me to stay sane and at peace. Knowing God is with me has lifted my spirit and helped me to deal with things. Every day we have to make choices. Some of them are the right thing and we feel at peace with them. Others are not so good and we feel no peace with them. I know I have done what was right in the choices I have made. Others tell me I should have made a different choice. For me there was no other choice. Some people think I am a bad person for the choices I have made, but I have friends that let me have their support to know I am not a bad person.

Knowing I have a church that loves me has helped. There are churches that I have been to before that I know would not have helped me through the time I have had for the last couple of years.

Almost 5 years ago I made a choice that was wrong, but I can’t wish it away as I got a lot out of it. Even through the hard times that followed I know that I would not go back to change everything…. Though there are parts I wish I could change.

I am so thankful for the friends I have made and the choices I have made to get my life back to normal. I know that through the next little while I will be fragile as glass but I will not brake. I have too much to live for and to look forward to.

Thank you Becky and all four of my missionary’s for all that you have done for me, and the support you have given to me.

Whatever happens in your life remember you have the agency to change some of it. Other parts just have to happen from others agency, know that God is with you and things are easier to get though.

Picky Eater

When I was growing up we had to eat what we put on our plates, and my mom was not making special meals for everyone so you ate what everyone else was eating with a few exceptions. The other night my neighbor brought me over some food he called it guacamole, although it was not how I had ever had it before. As I was picking my way around large chunks of tomatoes which I don’t like, I started thinking about some peoples search for a church. They become picky eaters all over again. They want a big choir, or they want the preacher to only speak about certain things. Some will go as far as say that if people are dressed a certain way they won’t go to that church. 

One of the things I like about Mormon service is any church you go to you will hear the same topics. The same principles, same books, the same beliefs and the same information just maybe taught a different way, as teaching styles will always differ.

I am always reminded of this as my best friend is a Mormon also and goes to Church in a different state. We can come together on Sunday night and compare notes and be at almost the same spot.

I remember going to different churches as I was growing up. I started out catholic, had my first communion, and I have to still say that the wafers were the worst idea the Catholic Church ever had (eeewww). We then started going to four square (Christian) churches, as my mom wanted something different. 

In our wanderings with four square churches we met some wonderful people, whose ideals were always different. In some you had to dress up to go to church; in other cases we were welcome in every day cloths. Then there were the preachers, some were always saying the same message to afraid of making anyone mad and getting fired. Others didn’t care what anyone thought and would preach what they felt they needed to, and would get fired which meant having to move. Then you would find out that in all of these cases the preachers were getting big pay checks, cars, houses, and in some cases they wouldn’t even have to pay for electric, cable or anything else. Only thing they really had to deal with was food. 

The Mormon Church is the first one I have seen where no one is getting paid to do what they do. And although they call on different people to do things it is always a choice you make if you are going to help things along. 

Every day I see different ways that becoming a Mormon has changed how I look at things. If you are reading this and you are not a Mormon already I challenge you to go to www.mormon.org and ether speak with a Missionary on line or have them come to your house. I know that if you open your heart and your mind, you just might find yourself viewing things differently. Everyone is a picky eater, just make sure your still getting what you need out of things.

Memories

I am a reader, I love reading. Thou I could not say that all of my life. When I was in school I was in special education from second grade until my eighth grade year. I have weak eye muscles, and depth perception issues which meant some things were harder for me to do. And reading for a lot of years was something that was very hard for me. One summer while we were living in Maryland my sister went back to Boston to visit with friends, when she came home she had a large box of books. I started to read them, and slowly almost painfully I started to understand more and more. I came to know more words and within a year and a half I was begging for harder work at school. I wasn’t doing anything that was challenging me anymore and I was starting to drop my grades down because I was giving up. I was retested and taken out of special education when they found out I was reading and comprehending at a college level.

When I was given the Book of Mormon to read, I for the first time in years I had to remember how to read old English. None of the bibles I owned at the time was a King James Version.  It was a bit painful at first. I read the BoM to fast and although I understood some of it I didn’t get most of it. So I started over and went a bit slower, and was able to understand more of it as I got used to reading old English again.

When I got to the end of the BoM I called the Missionaries and asked them to come over. I then asked that they read the last chapter with me. I started reading with them and because of them, and wanted them to be with me when I finished for the first time. They were happy to do it, I really felt the Holy Ghost with us as we started reading. I will never forget the smiles I got as we finished the chapter. I was very glad I had called them over. It was a special moment and one that could never be recreated.

This happened with Sister Cosper, Jasper, and Warwood. I also that night gave them a poster sized picture to color. I wanted something to remember them by. This week they gave me back the picture, and when looking at it you can see the different personalities come through.

 I may be at the beginning of my journey with the Church. And I am really trying to get used to all different kinds of things. But I am glad I have had the Missionaries I have had, I am not sure I would have been as open to the Book of Mormon if I had had elders come to me with it.

I love my Missionaries

(Remember the shout out girls :) )

Sad Times

When I started talking to the missionary’s from the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, I had Sister Cosper and Sister Larson.  In March they moved Sister Larson away to Kentucky to bring more people to God there. I have missed her since then. Sister Larson is funny and full of energy and you can learn a lot from her without realizing that you are learning at first. We had a lot of laughs and she taught me a lot about the Church.

Tuesday they took Sister Cosper, she has a wonderful voice and a great spirit. We had a lot of laughs also. Though since Sister Larson left she didn’t sing to me as much but when she does sing you can feel the spirit move through her.

 I know they are on a mission and they are working to bring people to Christ’s Church but I want my missionary’s back.

I became close to both Sisters and will miss them a lot. They helped me to come back to God and Jesus and there will always be a special place in my heart for them.

I do have two more missionaries that I have become close to. Sister Jasper and Sister Warwood are great sisters and I hope to become as close to them as I did with Sister Cosper and Sister Larson.

Though they took my original sisters away I will never forget them or what they did for me.

One of my favorite times was for Valentine’s Day they snuck over and plastered heart shaped sticky notes to my door. It took me until the next day to see them, and it brought a smile to my face to know that they thought of me.